{"id":2736,"date":"2024-05-11T14:35:01","date_gmt":"2024-05-11T12:35:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/paulseabright.com\/?p=2736"},"modified":"2024-09-01T17:48:12","modified_gmt":"2024-09-01T15:48:12","slug":"steady-on-jeeves","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/paulseabright.com\/?p=2736","title":{"rendered":"Steady On, Jeeves!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Inspired by this<\/a> news story from London….Image created by OpenAI’s DALL\u00b7E.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSteady on, Jeeves!\u201d I exclaimed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSir?\u201d He was icily polite.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAre you feeling quite yourself, Jeeves?\u201d I asked, with what I hoped he would interpret as a tenderly solicitous air. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSir?\u201d A little slower this time, with the tiniest hint of menace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Jeeves, it must be me. I thought you were hallucinating. I should have known better.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSir?\u201d He sounded bewildered. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes, Jeeves\u201d, I said, relieved at last to have found an explanation. \u201cI need one of your pick-me-ups. It was quite a night, last night. I\u2019m the one who\u2019s hallucinating, not you. Forget I mentioned it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMay I ask what your hallucination consisted in, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes, of course. Quite absurd, really. I thought you said\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSir?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll think me ridiculous, I know. Rather embarrassing to admit, really. But I<\/em> thought you said\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI<\/em> thought you said\u2026.no, ha ha, I can barely utter it\u2026I thought you said the Drones Club\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSir?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI thought you said the Drones Club had voted to admit lady members.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was an awkward silence. I wished the ground would open and swallow me up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I began to stutter. \u201cEr, er\u2026absurd of course..\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo sir\u201d, said Jeeves – even more icily, if that were possible. Who\u2019s the chap, Beer or Lear or someone, who goes out on the icy heath? I know how the fellow felt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI told you I was hallucinating\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt was the Garrick Club, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I reached out to steady myself against the wall. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThere it goes again, Jeeves. I\u2019m still hallucinating. Get me that pick-me-up, quickly, please.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAs you wish, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s getting worse, Jeeves. This time I thought you said it was the Garrick.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt was, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was with a surprising degree of calm that, some minutes later, I noted a gradual slowing-down of the stars that had begun to spin around me upon hearing Jeeves\u2019s words. The pick-me-up he had pressed to my lips had something to do with it, no doubt. I had sunk back onto the chaise-longue. Eventually the blur in the drawing-room around me began to clear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI say, Jeeves!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat is it those classical chaps are always saying? O tempora<\/em>\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cO mores<\/em>, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s it, Jeeves! If even the Garrick\u2026.I mean, if even the Garrick, well we\u2019re sunk, aren\u2019t we?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIndeed, sir\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI mean dash it, Jeeves. Where\u2019s a fellow to go to escape the\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe, the, what\u2019s the word I want? Something beginning with E\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEntanglements, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s the word I want. The entanglements of the fair sex. I mean to say, if the fair sex are to be found skulking even in the Garrick, there\u2019ll be nowhere to hide!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPrecisely, sir\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEntanglements everywhere!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIndeed, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was another silence. I tried to look philosophical, but I fear that my eyes were swivelling. Like that patient old Pop Glossop described to me once, a most enlightening conversation until it dawned on me that he was comparing the patient\u2019s state of mind favourably with that of yours truly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jeeves coughed, discreetly. I recognized the signs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat is it, Jeeves? I can tell you\u2019re hatching something. You look like a gull sitting on an egg.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From the tiniest flicker of an eyebrow, I could tell that Jeeves was deeply wounded. But he is made of sterner stuff, and the moment passed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI fear, sir, the days are gone when one could escape entanglements at the Garrick, even without the presence of lady members.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI say, Jeeves, you don\u2019t mean\u2026.?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPrecisely, sir\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s that thing about bread, you know, the loaf that durst not something-or-other\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe love that durst not speak its name, sir\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s it, Jeeves. I say, we\u2019re really torpedoed below the waterline now, aren\u2019t we? Though, come to think of it, that\u2019s not the metaphor\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI would not venture to describe the situation in quite such apocalyptic terms, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh you bally well wouldn\u2019t, would you? What makes you so jolly confident, may I ask?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jeeves coughed again. I have learned to pay special attention when he does that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf I may make so bold, sir\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes, Jeeves?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI have in recent weeks become engaged, sir, in what, were I of the apocalyptic turn of mind that your lordship so recently expressed, I might have described as just such an \u2018entanglement\u2019, but which I would now rather express as a most happy state of circumstances, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I tried to parse that one. Jeeves\u2019s pick-me-up wasn\u2019t helping. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI say, Jeeves, you don\u2019t mean\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI do, sir\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I paused. And then, because pausing seemed to be doing me some good, I paused again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I examined the situation from every angle. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell, Jeeves, I must say, I hope you\u2019ll both be very happy\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThank you, sir\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd, for the avoidance of all confusion, am I to understand that the fairer sex are in no way involved in this, er, entanglement?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI think it unfortunate, sir, that in answering in the affirmative I might be thought to doubt the fairness of the gentleman in question\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI see, Jeeves.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThank you, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was a wiser, but not after all a sadder Bertram who sidled into the bar at the Drones that evening. I had done a lot of what I believe is called thinking. Not much of it in the Drones, I grant you. But I sensed that changes were in the air. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI say, Pongo!\u201d I exclaimed, spying him deep in thought over a brandy-and-soda in a corner Chesterfield. \u201cI\u2019ve got a rather strange question for you!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pongo turned a jaundiced air on Bertram, as if to wonder morosely when my questions had ever been less than strange.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I coughed slightly, before proceeding. I\u2019ve noticed Jeeves does that sometimes, and it gives what he says a certain something. What\u2019s that word beginning with G?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I couldn\u2019t find the G-word, but I found another in its place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI say Pongo, you don\u2019t know anyone who might be willing to put me up for the Garrick, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From Pongo\u2019s startled look I understood that I was going to have to explain it all to him from the beginning. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Inspired by this news story from London….Image created by OpenAI’s DALL\u00b7E. \u201cSteady on, Jeeves!\u201d I …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2737,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[43,35,50],"tags":[115,72,114],"class_list":["post-2736","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-curiosities","category-otherwriting","category-slider","tag-england","tag-fiction","tag-whimsy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/paulseabright.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2736","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/paulseabright.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/paulseabright.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paulseabright.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paulseabright.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2736"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/paulseabright.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2736\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2738,"href":"https:\/\/paulseabright.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2736\/revisions\/2738"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paulseabright.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2737"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/paulseabright.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2736"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paulseabright.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2736"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paulseabright.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2736"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}